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Emma woke up, and found herself lying in the lab, alone. Why wasn't she in her room? Why was she here? What happened? She tried to lift herself up from the bed. It was a mistake. He body immediately objected and Emma fell back. Gasping for breath, she tried to gather her wits. *~ What had happened? ~*

That too was a mistake.

Obeying her call, memories obligingly came to the fore. They came in a flood, for an instant crushing Emma under their impact. All those people, their pain! So much pain! Emma didn't think she would ever forget their pain. Or, as she wryly thought, *~survive if I don't control my mind. ~*

And then, any scrap of control that she had gained over her was wiped out. She remembered what had caused all this trouble in the first place. Brennan had kissed Shalimar! Emma took a deep breath, she mustn't think of that. She couldn't think of Brennan. If she valued her sanity, she must close her mind to him. Not think of him at all. *~ Yeah, right. Like that's very simple. ~*

Taking a deep breath, she tried to get out of bed again. She would be strong, let anyone say otherwise. She almost managed to get out of bed but then her strength failed her. Knees buckling, she collapsed to the floor. For a moment, she lay there without moving, thinking about what to do next.

At that very moment, Jesse came in to check up on her. "Oh my God! Emma, what are you doing out of bed?"

"Admiring the view from the floor. It's lovely here, did you know that?" came the quick rejoinder.

Jesse grinned; at least there was no doubt that Emma's was in perfect working order. *~ If you called that 'fine'. ~*

"I heard that! I AM fine! . . . Now could you please help me get up?"

"Eh? I didn't say anything. Did you hear something?" *~ Emma can't hear what I am saying. Right? ~*

"Jesse . . . Some help please" Emma called from the floor

"Oh yeah, right" Jesse picked up Emma and she winced slightly at his touch. Jesse looked at her and deposited her back onto the bed. Emma wasn't even trying but she could feel the concern and slight guilt emanating from Jesse.

"You really didn't hurt me. It's just that the floor isn't as comfortable as I thought." Emma grinned at him. He grinned back; it was good to have her back. *~ Good to have you back. Thought we might have lost you. Good to have . . . ~*

"How long have I been unconscious?" Emma quickly asked. Anything to get him to speak, think of something else. Why could she hear him? She wasn't using her powers,

"Two days. We were really worried about you." *~ So worried. We almost thought we lost you. You didn't wake up. We didn't know what was wrong with you. . ."

"Jesse, slow down. What do mean you didn't know what was wrong with me?" Emma shook her head, trying to make sense of what she was hearing.

"How did you . . .? Well . . . Adam said that there was nothing physically wrong with you. But you still didn't wake up. We didn't know what to do." *~ I was afraid that you would never wake up. You looked so lost, so fragile. ~*

Emma sharply looked up at Jesse; she shouldn't be able to sense him. To sense such a deep layer of his thought she should have been concentrating her powers upon him. What was happening to her? Her mind was so open, Emma paled at the memory of what happened last time her mind was this powerless.

Jesse watched all the colour drain out of her face. For a moment, he thought she was going to have a relapse.

"Adam come quick, Emma's awake, but I think that she's going to faint again."

"No Jesse, don't call him. No, Jesse . . ." Emma did not continue Jesse was obviously not listening. She whispered, too softly for him to hear, "Not another person, already too many people . . ."

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"Well, Emma, I really don't know what is wrong with you. You vital signs all check out. According to the tests, you should be in perfect health. And it will be an understatement if I say you're not well. So do you want to tell me what's going on?"

Emma swallowed, how could she explain something she was struggling to understand herself. How did she explain to him that his presence was smothering her? That it was painful being around him, to be around anyone? How did she say all of that when she knew it would hurt him, when she knew that he would not understand?

"I . . . I don't know Adam. I'm just tired. Maybe I'll feel better after I get some sleep."

Adam nodded, not pursuing the matter. *~ What are you not telling me Emma? What is bothering you? Let me help you. ~*

"Please, Adam! I need some rest. Some time on my own. I promise everything will be all right." *~ I have to find some way to stop hearing all of you. It is driving me insane. ~*

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It was getting better, it was definitely getting better, Emma thought. A week of hiding out in her room, and she could almost stand to be in the same room with a few people. However, she didn't try to push herself too far, too fast. Ten or fifteen minutes at a time and then her head started to spin and she would have to retreat to her room again. She knew her behaviour was puzzling and hurting her friends, which hurt her even more in return.

Emma sighed; it was so difficult getting through the day sometimes. It was as if she was a child learning to walk again, except that this time there was no comforting mother to pick her up and kiss her tears away. This time she had no one to help her; no one to show her how to cope.

Thank God for small mercies though, Emma thought sardonically. At least, she could talk to her friends without the whole world intruding. For now, she had to be thankful that she could block out some thoughts, especially if she tried hard. Maybe in a few days she would be able to face Shalimar and her good-natured concerned without the thought of Brennan stripping her raw. *~ Brennan . . . Brennan ~*

As soon as that door threatened to open, Emma forcefully slammed it shut. She knew she was not ready to face THAT part of her life yet. He was one person she had been unable to face, even for a second. The one time he had tried to see her, she had pretended to be asleep. After that, he had not tried to see her again. For that she was grateful to him, maybe he understood what she was going through.

Of course, this didn't stop her from being spitting mad at him as well. Did he care so little about her that he didn't try to see her?!! *~ No, I will not think of him. It's good that I haven't seen him. ~* Just to make sure that she had started staying up late at night, when everyone was asleep, when even Shalimar turned to her soft bed. Sanctuary was completely empty, silent, no one stirring. It gave Emma a sense of peace, when everyone was asleep she was not bombarded by their feelings. Nevertheless, she could still sense them, her family. Times like these gave her such joy - a sense of connection without the pain.

Emma smiled, if there were more times like these she could almost bring herself to believe that the pain was all worth it. She sat down on the couch with the sandwich; she had stopped eating dinner with the rest of Mutant X because it was too stressful. She missed it sometimes, the laughter, the camaraderie but she knew it was better this way. She was so tired; sleep had become a precious commodity, coming in fits and spurts if at all. She decided to just rest her eyes for minute; she'd finish her sandwich in a minute. Curling up in a ball, Emma let sleep overtake her.

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