Because You Loved Me

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Chapter Seventeen

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Hope you enjoy this. I wanted to have this up as soon as possible. I think my muse is finally back. Check the story out again soon. I should have Emma's POV very soon.

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Shalimar soothingly guided Brennan and almost had to lower him onto it. He looked up at him and that dead look was back in eyes. *~ What I wouldn't give to remove it? What can I do Brennan? ~*

"So, tell me."

Brennan sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, taking the time to try to calm his nervous heart. "I don't know . . ." Shalimar looked at Brennan in annoyance. *~ Please, not that merry-go-around again ~* She was going to tell Brennan off for lying to her - again, but she stopped.

Brennan was telling the truth.

He honestly didn't know what was wrong. The confusion and the pain were too raw to be faked.

"Maybe we could start at the beginning. Maybe we could start with . . . Emma?" Brennan flinched, not violently, but it might as well have been a cry of pain - Shalimar's feral senses didn't miss anything.

"Emma . . .? Start with her Brennan." Shalimar gently prodded.

"I can't. I . . . She hates me." Shalimar blinked, *~ Where did THAT come from?! ~*

"She hates me Shalimar. She hates me and it's all my fault."

Shalimar shook her head; maybe she wasn't hearing this correctly.

"Whoa, wait a minute Brennan. Slow down a little. She HATES you? And it's your fault? That's nonsense."

Brennan shook his head. He knew it, no one understood. He looked away from Shalimar.

"Don't turn away from me Brennan. Explain it to me. What do you mean?"

"How much clearer can I be?! She hates me for all that I have done to her."

"Okay, what have you done to her?"

"I . . . I made her cry. I hurt her." Brennan's voice shook. "Every time I am near her I hurt her even more. It's something inside of me which does that to her, despite how much I try."

Shalimar couldn't think of what to say. Brennan wasn't making much sense but she didn't want to interrupt him.

"I am so angry all the time . . . at her . . . at myself . . . at Edward. At everyone Shalimar. Every time Emma turns to Edward, every time she shuts me out I get angry and lash out her. Instead of being happy that she had finally found someone, I hate it. The hate burns in me Shalimar. It burns me and everything I touch."

Shalimar stared at Brennan, a cold feeling of dread settling into the pit of her stomach. *~ What have you done to yourself Brennan? ~*

"Brennan . . . What can I say? I do know this, Emma does not hate you. You are one of her best friends." *~ If not more. ~*

"Best friend . . .?! A friend who drives her into the arms of another man. A friend, who hurts her, frightens her. Friend?! . . ." Brennan laughed and Shalimar cringed at that bitter sound.

"Brennan please, listen to me. She isn't frightened of you . . . she doesn't hate you . . .she loves you Brennan. She loves you, beyond anything, beyond herself."

Brennan hissed in pain. "Shalimar please, I have seen the fear in her eyes. I have seen her turn away from me in pain. You know what that feels like Shalimar? Do you know what it feels like when I know that she cried because of me? It makes me hate myself, loathe myself. If I can't love what I have become that how can she?"

Brennan jumped up from the couch and started pacing across the room. Shalimar watched him for a minute, not knowing what to say.

Brennan came back and sat next to her. "Do you know what the worst part is Shal? I would give anything to make it all okay and I don't know how. I don't know how Shal! Make the pain stop Shal. Tell me what to do."

Shalimar hugged Brennan; held him tight. After a moment, his arms came up to hold her tighter. She gently rocked him, willing him to take comfort in her presence. What should she say? *~ What can I say? He won't tell me what happened. Emma what have you done to this poor boy? ~*

She was saved from answering by a knock at the door. Before she or Brennan could answer, Emma walked into the room.

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